Intertwining Of Life

As I look back on my life, I have too many regrets to count. Missed opportunities drift like dandelions on a windy spring day. Tangents forever capped by forgotten decisions.

I'll be 50 years old at the end of the year. I'll reach that milestone just as lost and just as confused now, as I was 20 years ago. Oh don't get me wrong, I am definitely smarter and wiser than I've ever been, but my hopes and dreams have been altered so profoundly, I find myself on a route that I would never have chosen for myself. It's a train that seems to be speeding forward, and I can't seem jump off or alter the path.

I know that I have to try to turn my life around. If I don't, I will certainly not make it to 60. The thought of living only 10 more years or less, makes me distressingly sad.

I want to see my boys grow up. I want to see them fall in love for the first time. I want to see them succeed in whatever they choose to do with their lives. I want to see them marry, and I want to do what my dad never got to do.........I want to hold my grand children in my arms, and tell them I love them.

I am currently in the worst shape of my life. Wallowing in self pity seems to be very fattening. Who knew? My job is more stressful than any I have had in my life, and the 3 hours I spend on the road commuting to and from work, is sucking the life out of me, one bumper to bumper mile at a time. Tic Toc.

They say that the world is what you make of it, but I have found differently. The world is just a backdrop for the intertwining of life. Too many external factors seem to have a say on direction, and too much time is spent on the convalescence of being.

I need to make changes, and only hope that I am strong enough to conquer my own stubbornness.

Wish me luck.

William

PS. The next update will have a much more jovial tone, and pictures of the boys are guaranteed.