Lori's awful divorce was made official earlier today, and I am now a single dad. Single. Never in a million years would I (or anyone for that matter) have predicted that word would ever be applied to me again after March 14th, 1998. Everybody knew I was in our marriage it until my last breath, no matter what.
I will never in my lifetime understand what Lori was thinking, or why this happened. A person is not supposed to change so drastically after spending 16 years so deeply in love. It was certainly not right, and my confusion and pain will never go away.
It's a damn shame that the children and I will both have to carry this scar for our remaining lives. I am lucky I guess, for my time left on earth is paltry compared to theirs. I hate that they will wonder until their dying days how their lives would have been different if we would have remained together. No, I don't believe for a minute it will possess them, but I do believe the thought will creep into their lives at various times to cast doubt.
Lori will tell you that her divorce has no bearing at all on how they grow up, but that's laughable. Christopher and Aidan are both great kids, but to think they are ultimately better off being raised half the time by one or the other of their birth parents, is an exercise in justification. It's simply not true. Lori can tell you until her last breath that she made the right decision, but make no mistake, it was done for her and her alone, and unfortunately for the kids, short sighted and selfish.
Me, well I will continue to live my life as I always have. I cannot change who I am.....nor should I.
I believe Rudyard Kipling said it best:
“I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble”
William
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