Sadly, A Different Direction

Well, I lied. Hope did not return, but I have.

With this blog, I have been sharing the ups and downs of this family for a few years now. The vast majority have almost always been uplifting antidotes about our family, and I really enjoyed writing them.  The reason that they were almost always uplifting was a direct reflection of our lives, and the wonderful marriage Lori and I shared.

As you might have guessed from my last post, some fairy tale marriages do not last forever. Sometimes you hit a bump in the road, and you do your best to try and fix things and keep moving forward. Sometimes that bump ends up being a wall.  Well, let me tell you, that wall came on with a vengeance.

Lori decided that she no longer wants to be married to me, and has officially filed for divorce.  I tried with all my heart and effort to make things right with her, but my efforts failed.  I hoped with every fiber of my being that we could get things fixed, and start traveling back down that road to happiness, but she obviously had other plans.   I am still deeply in love with Lori, who I will always consider my soul-mate. So as you might have guessed, I am extremely devastated.  Married for 15years and together for 17years.....now DONE.  Painful and Surreal.

If you would have asked me at the beginning of last year if there was even a remote possibility of writing this type of blog, I would have straight up laughed at you. I felt like the relationship that Lori and I had was impervious to any failings.  We just loved and cared for each other too much to let that happen.  I have, through the years, blogged exactly how I felt and feel about Lori.   I just thought that kind of stuff happened to other people. I mean hell, we'd made it 16 years without the slightest problems, why would it change? What could possible go wrong?  I still don't understand the "why", but I can tell you without a doubt, it's the worst feeling in the world to realized you are no longer loved.

I don't know what the future holds.  I'm scared, and very apprehensive about trusting anyone anymore.  That I know.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.  What this has made me realize is;  I am a beautiful, naive, big-hearted 47 year old man, that still has a whole lot to learn about people. 

I know that I have two wonderful, handsome, healthy, outstanding boys that are here, and they need me.  I need them just a much. My devotion to them will never waiver.  They are my life, and as always, the reason for my existence.

Because of my love for them, and my need for attention, I've decided to keep this blog alive to share the wonderful experiences that I have with Aidan and Christopher.  I need the release, and I want to have all of our adventures chronicled so we can enjoy the emotions of the times for the rest of our lives.  

I am looking forward to being able to start writing uplifting stories again and posting pictures about the wonderful things that are happening with me and the boys.  It really won't be the same without the inclusion of Lori in our adventures, but it is what it is, and we'll make the best of it.

She will be truly missed.  

William