The End Is Near - But Oh What A Beginning!

Once upon a time there was this lonely guy just going through life without any real purpose.  His meaning, his reason for waking up everyday was to simply exist.  Sure he had friends, he had a good job, and he had a nice roof over his head.  Hell, he even had a great dog, who answered to Dante.  What he wanted and needed at that time, had eluded him for the last half decade.  What he wanted and needed so desperately, was to be loved by someone.  What he.....I....wanted, was a companion.

I had almost given up hope of finding someone special to share my life.  I had been in a good relationship turned bad that ended 6 years before, and I just figured that was my chance, and I blew it.  Then, one day, while I was desperately seeking a pet sitter for Dante, I got a call from a friendly voice.  "Do you need someone to check on your dog while you're gone" were the words that were spoken, but what I heard was "I am an angel sent from heaven to lead you from the darkness and inspire your life"

When I answered the door that afternoon, I was hardly prepared for what I saw.   I'm sure you've seen all of these cheesy movies and read these silly books talking about love at first sight, but nobody ever believes them.  This is especially true with a person like me. I can however, tell you unequivocally, my heart skipped a beat, and I knew right then and there I had met the girl of my dreams.

As we introduced ourselves to each other, and got the initial formalities out of the way, I was as nervous as one could be.  How do I convince this angel that I'm the one?   Sure, it's way too early to be thinking like that, but I just couldn't help myself.  I just knew.

Listen, I'll be the first to tell you, I'm not some Casanova.  I'm a nice guy, well spoken, with a heart as big as they come.  I figured I would never have a chance at a young lady as pretty and nice as Lori, but I knew that this might be my only chance, and no matter what I was going ask her out.  So, that's what I did.....right then and there.  I was floored when she said......yes.

We spent that day together, had dinner, and went to a fireworks display that evening.  It was so perfect I had to pinch myself to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.  I took her back to her apartment that night, gave her a big hug and a peck on the cheek at the front door, and as I was walking away, I swear my feet weren't even touching the ground.  

I called everyone I knew, and told them about the angel that I found.  I wasted no time calling her back the next day, and then spent the next couple of months, trying to convince her to get out of the long distant relationship that she was currently in with someone else, and move in with me.  Again, I knew instantly that she was the girl that I was going to marry, and if I would have had enough money to buy a ring at that time, I would have asked her to marry me then.  I'm not sure at that time she would have said yes, but that would not have stopped me from trying.

As it turned out, I was able to convince Lori that I was indeed special, and she moved into my house a few months later.  We were a match made in heaven, and I was so proud the first time I took her to meet my mother and father.  I had one of those "yeah, that's right, look what I was able to do" grins on my face the entire time.  Lori of course hit it off right away with my family, and they treated her like a daughter from day one.

We spent the next 12 months together almost inseparable.  Exactly one year to the day of our initial meeting, I received the horrible news that my father had passed away.  I was devastated, and I thank the Lord every day that Lori was there by my side when I received the terrible phone call.  She was my crutch, and strength, and only with her unending compassion was I able to pick myself up and function.  

To this day, I am thankful that dad went to his maker knowing that I had truly found happiness, and Lori was one day going to be my bride.  It is only with his help, in the form of some inheritance, that I was finally able to have enough money to be able to afford a ring.  I guess you could say that I owe my dog Dante, and my dad, a debt that can never be repaid.  They allowed me to meet, and ultimately ask my angel for her hand in marriage.

I now had the money I needed for a ring, so the next order of business was to ask her dad Steve, for her hand.  I know, that's an old and mostly ignored ritual now days, but I am old school, and felt like it was the right thing to do.  We had a trip planned to see her parents at their farm in Tennessee, so I figured that was as good a time as any.  Although I got along outstandingly with both Lori's parents, I was so nervous before I spoke with Steve I though I was going to faint.  I didn't, and when he said yes, I was soaring through the clouds.  "This might actually happen" is all I could think about.  God I hoped she would say yes.

One night, after spending an evening watching Cinderella with Lori, I dropped down to one knee, swallowed the enormous lump in my throat, grabbed her hand and looked into those beautiful brown eyes, and asked her to spend the rest of her life with me.  I found myself wiping away a river of joyful tears from my face as soon as the word "yes" came from her lips.  Somehow, I had convinced this angel sent straight from heaven, to marry me.

To be continued........

William

Good Things Are Coming

I am 47 years old, and I have never been as lonely and stressed as I am right now.  I wake up every morning (when I can actually sleep) hoping that I have been in a terrible dream.  You can not imagine how disheartening it is to figure out that I have in fact not been dreaming, and my worst nightmares are true.

I have done my best trying to handle this awful situation with Lori with dignity and poise.  I have put on a brave face and front for all of my friends, my family, and most importantly my children.  It is difficult beyond words, for my anguish is stifling.

I am really at my wit's end.  I am being forced to get a divorce I do not want.  I am actively and aggressively seeking a good paying job that will allow me to live close to my children, but I'm having no success so far. 

With a trial date looming one week from today, the stress of losing the love of my life, my children, my home, and all I have ever wanted or worked for is almost unbearable.   Suffocating.

What am I going to do?  I simply don't know.  I have always been a fighter, but this opponent, this situation, currently has my number.   

I am trying to stay positive.  I have always believed, and I have always been told that "good things happen to good people".  I still cling to that belief like it's a life preserver.   I have to.

I am as good a person as you will ever meet.  That might come across as arrogant to some, especially ones who have never met me, but the ones that know me will tell you it's true.  I  know that I have built up enough good Karma to last a lifetime, and it will pay dividends.    

With Lori stating that she has "moved on", I am now very ready to start my new life.  It will be very different, but I am now actually looking forward to it.  I have so much to offer, and it will be exciting seeing what new wants, dreams and desires come to fruition . Believe me when I tell you.....I have plenty.  It might take me a little while to get the wheels turning again, but I can guarantee that once I start rolling, I will be both happy and successful.  There is no doubt. 

I will live my life well, and "good things" are coming.   I can feel it.

William

It's Who I Am

Today was the first father's day since becoming one, that I did not wake up to Lori's beautiful face.  It was certainly difficult.  That beautiful face and the beautiful person behind it is the reason that I became a dad after all.  Still, the kids did everything they could to make me feel special, and I am lucky to have them in my life.

Being a father defines me.  It's who I am.   I work hard at it, and every minute that I spend with the kids makes my life better.  I feel like I am a great dad, and I'm proud of the job that I have done with Christopher and Aidan.  Aidan is growing into a fine young man, and Christopher is trying to be more and more like him each and every day.  Each is very special in their own way, and I would not change a thing about them.  I love them more than anything in this world.

For Father's Day, we spent the weekend in Temple with my mom and brother.  I am glad that the boys got to see their Grandma and Uncle.  It had been far too long since we were there.  I only wish that my father was still alive.  I would have loved to give him a father's day hug, and watch him play with his grand children.  He would be proud, and they would love my pop.

Happy Father's Day dad, and Happy Father's day to me too.  You taught me well.

William

Party Time!

Well, schools finally out.  I say finally, but in reality, it seems like it just started.  I'm sure if you asked the boys about that, they would say that I was nuts.  It's funny how differently time is perceived when you are young.

Last Friday marked the final school day, so I decided to attend Christopher's kindergarten end of the year party.  Let me tell you, there is nothing like spending a sweaty hot morning outside with 125 screaming, sugar fueled 5 and 6 year old kids.  Whatever they pay those dear teachers, it's not enough.

Christopher really had a blast while I was there.  It started off with a hula hoop contest.

Fortunately, Christopher didn't win.  I don't know, it would just bother me for some reason if my son was the "hula hoop champion".  Luckily, there were a couple of little girls in his class that had spent far too long learning the delicate art of keeping a hula hoop spinning.  I started to think that we might be there for the entire day waiting for the contest to end.  I think one of the final two girls just got bored, or spent too long staring at the awaiting ice cream truck.  She finally just stopped.  Once that happened, the other girl stopped, and it was time for the "limbo line".

Watching 5 and 6 year old kids do the "limbo" is just downright funny.  It would probably be a good idea the next time to actually explain to the kids what you are supposed to do.  As it happened, they just told the kids to "go under the bar without hitting it".  Well, Christopher certainly improvised.

Hey, as far as he knew, he was well within the rules, and he certainly did not touch the bar.  Way to go quick thinker!!!

Next, it was time for the class picture.   Hmmm.....lets see........last day of school.......minimum supervision.........okay kids....say cheese.....

After the class picture, the kids went to the ice cream truck, and picked out their favorite frozen treats.  Christopher of course gravitated to the Pink (Strawberry) Blue Bell ice cream cup.  Did you have any doubt?  As he was enjoying his pink prize, his teacher Mrs Strange, stopped by to tell him how much she was going to miss him.  It was sweet.

I left shortly after their ice cream break.  Hey, they were hyper enough before the treat break, I did not want anything to do with the aftermath.

Saturday rolled around and that meant Aidan's post season tournament was starting.  He had a 10:30am game against a pretty good team, The Indians.  The Indians lead the league in hitting and runs scored.  The Express would have to play an error free game to advance.  Aidan got the start on the mound and everything was going well until.........the second batter.  Yep, 4 pitches 1 out on the first batter, and then the errors started.  I can tell you, nothing gets to Aidan more than throwing great pitches and getting batters to hit little slow rollers that the infielders boot.  It happened over and over.  Aidan pitched two innings, and struck out 4.  The team ended up losing 12-5.  The season was over.

Because the season was over, that meant the team could have their "end of the season" party.  They were all pretty excited about that.  We had the party at the neighborhood pool of one of his teammates.  Everybody had lots of fun, and ate lots of pizza.  Here is Aidan after he knocked a little three year old girl off her floaty and stole it from her..............................no not really.......but it looks like it....;-)

Christopher and mom were enjoying the cool water on a really hot day.

Congratulation Aidan on your team's 3rd place finish.  I love your new trophy!

Thanks for keeping me so young guys.

William

Summer Blues

Hard to believe that there is only 5 days of school left until the boys are out for the summer.  Geesh, this school year flew by so quickly.  It's crazy that Christopher will be a 1st grader, and Aidan will be going into middle school.  Wow, they grow up so fast.

This will mark the first summer in 5 years that I will not be responsible for taking care of the boys.  (Well, 5 for Aidan.  Last summer was Christopher's first)  With the divorce unfortunately moving forward, I am trying desperately to find gainful employment.  It means that I can't look after the kids.  The kids will now be spending the summer at the YMCA.

I will forever look back at the past 5 summers with incredible happiness.  Very few parents get to experience what it's like to spend months in a row with their children doing nothing but teaching and bonding.  I know the kids are going to look back someday, and realize just how lucky they had it.   I know I'll be doing it daily, and I'll miss it immensely.

This past weekend Aidan played is last regular season baseball game.  His team won 13-3, and Aidan had a really good game.  2-2 at the plate, and threw out a runner at home from third base.  It was sweet!  The team went 9-2-1 for the year, and got third place.  Not bad, but the tie should never have happened.  Oh well, now they just need to play good ball next weekend in the post season tournament, and try to win the championship!  I can't wait.

I finally took the time to clean up my truck.  Old Blue has been with me now for a little over 13 years.  I know, that's a long time for a vehicle.  I had not been giving him the love and respect he deserves lately, so I made sure to take my time and give him the proper care he deserves.  I washed and wax the truck, and cleaned the interior spotless.   You would be hard pressed to find a better looking 13 year old vehicle.

Check out the 13 year old "mirror"

Yep, that is taken down the side of the truck, and the house in the picture is a reflection in the paint.

Look at that shine!

Spotless!

I love my truck.  Oh, eventually, when I can afford it, I will get a new vehicle.  That being said, I will not be getting rid of Old Blue.  He will just be and extra vehicle.  He is a part of me and the family now.

William

Bark Of Our Souls

I Saw From the Beach

I saw from the beach, when the morning was shining,
  A bark o'er the waters move gloriously on;
I came when the sun o'er that beach was declining,
  The bark was still there, but the waters were gone.

And such is the fate of our life's early promise,
  So passing the spring-tide of joy we have known;
Each wave that we danced on at morning ebbs from us,
  And leaves us, at eve, on the bleak shore alone.

Oh, who would not welcome that moment's returning
  When passion first waked a new life through his frame,
And his soul, like the wood that grows precious in burning,
  Gave out all its sweets to love's exquisite flame.

Thomas Moore

Each spring, we all wait in joyous anticipation for Memorial Weekend to arrive.  In addition to honoring our brave military heroes, it also marks the date of our annual trek to Galveston Island.  We are always eager to see our wonderful friends Kenny and Hailey and their precious daughters Carley and Aubrey.

With things around the house currently so mixed up, I was sure that our 7 year string of glorious travels would be broken.  It just did not seem right to me to be at the beach without Lori there to enjoy it with us.  Personally, my feet have not touched sand in 20 years without Lori by my side.  The kids have never experienced the ocean without mom's watchful eye and playful demeanor.

I did not know what to do.  I was very conflicted.  On one hand,  I know that I unfortunately have to get the kids used to the idea of worldly travels without the comfort and joy of their mom being there, but on the other hand, I knew none of us would have nearly as much fun without Lori there by our sides.

I finally decided to just ask her to go with us.  I knew she would probably say "no", but I would not be happy with myself if I didn't at least try.  So, I did.  I can't tell you how happy the kids and I were when she said YES.  She said that she would go to help out with the kids and visit with our friends, and that was certainly enough for me.  Sure, I would have loved to have gone as "partners" but just having her there as my friend was fantastic.  

Lori worked a night shift in the ER last Thursday, so the plan was to leave as soon as she got home on Friday morning.  She arrived at the house about 10:00am, and since I had already packed and loaded the CX-9, we left for Galveston about 10 minutes later.

The drive to the beach was easy, and the kids did great.  I only had to stop on the side of the road and threaten to beat them a few times.  No, not really.  As a matter of fact, they were pretty quite the entire time, and Lori was able to get a few hours sleep on the way down.

We got to the beach a little before 4:00pm and after unloading the car, we were dipping our toes in the water by 4:30pm.  Ahhhh........we love the ocean.

The water was really great, and warmer than usual for this time of year.  It was very refreshing, and relaxing.  Mystic of course, was giddy.

While Lori and Aidan took out the Boogie boards, I grabbed my phone to record the "intense surfing action"
 

We left the beach about 6:00pm, and went back to the beach house to await the arrival of our friends.  While we were waiting, I prepared some filets to cook on the grill, along with some asparagus.  The Canon family arrived a short time later, and we sat down to a wonderful meal, a great bottle of wine, and enjoyed each others company just like great friend should.

We were all pretty beat, so we got to bed fairly early.  We all looked forward to the Horseshoe tournament, and a full day at the beach on Saturday.

Saturday morning we got up pretty early, and Hailey made a fantastic breakfast casserole.  We feasted, and then went downstairs to play washers as the kids rode their scooters.  A little before noon we headed down to the beach for the annual "King Of the Beach" horseshoe tournament.

We had a pretty good turnout this year, with 24 players showing up.  I chose my number, and waited with anticipation to see who my partner would be.  Kenny and I always hope we drawl the same numbers, for we would really like to partner up some day.  We like to think that we would be "unstoppable".  Well, my partner this year turned out to be William.  No, not me....another William.  I took that as a good omen.

We did great the first game, winning easily.  I was ready to put our name on the trophy right then and there, until reality set in our next game.  We got pummeled.  We went to the loser bracket, were we ran into the eventual finals team.  We put up a good fight, but lost.  Oh well, maybe next time.  If I couldn't win, I wanted my buddy Kenny to take home the trophy.  I sat and cheered him on, and after 6 games, he and his partner were hoisting the trophy.  It was tons of fun.  Here is Kenny and his beautiful wife Hailey between games.

While we were playing horseshoes, Lori and the boys were enjoying a beautiful day on the beach.  It was not too hot, and lots of cloud cover.  The boys Boogie boarded and played like there was no tomorrow. 

Mystic and Aubrey were having a good time too!

We left the beach about 5:30pm, and everybody was pretty wiped out.  We met a couple of Kenny and Hailey's friends back at the beach house, and grilled a delicious dinner of chicken, pork and beef fajitas.  After dinner we all sat down very satisfied, and just listened to music, had a few cocktails, and laughed.  How fun.

Sunday was another day playing around the house, and spending a few hours at the beach.  Before we left for the beach, Kenny smoked some ribs for about 5 hours, and we had a great lunch before we left.  Yummy!

The beach was extremely crowded on Sunday.  It was the most people that I had ever seen down there.  There was still plenty of room to set up our canopy, and use the gulf as our personal playground.  We did, and it was FUN.  We came home with some tired monkeys.

 

Look at those precious freckles.

Sunset was beautiful.

Monday came in a flash.  It was Memorial Day, and that meant it was our last morning there.  I took Lori and the boys down to the beach in the golf cart to see the sun come up over the gulf.  It was inspiring.

Lori and Christopher were looking for sea shell in the sand.   So innocent.

The boys and I having a good time enjoying a great morning breeze.

God bless the men and women of our military who have sacrificed so much for our freedom.

We went to the beach one last time on Monday morning.  We stayed from 11:00am to 1:00pm, and we were all very sad to leave.

I packed up the car while the others were getting cleaned up.  We ate and said our goodbyes to our wonderful hosts, and we were on the road about 2:20pm.  We arrived home about 7:25pm last night.  It was nice to sleep in our own beds, but we were all missing the sounds of the waves.

William.

PS.  Lori, you are one in a million.  Thank you so much for going with us.  You still make life fun, and I feel blessed to have gotten to spend one more glorious time frolicking in the ocean with you.

It's wonderful to see your happy face.

All Cedar And Lots Of Love

Have you ever had something in your life that you absolutely loved doing, but for some reason, some unexplained reason, you just stopped doing it?  I'm not talking about making a conscious effort to stop doing something, I'm talking about it just fading away.  Why does that happen?  One would think, if you enjoyed it so much, you would find the time to continue doing it every chance you got.  One would think.

I've had many things over the last couple of years that would fit into that pattern, and I don't understand how or why it happened, but I now realize that I'm very sad that I've missed out.

You see, I did something over the last couple of days that stirred a passion that I have not had in a long time.

One of my good friends and I started working on a small construction project on Monday, and I have to tell you, I really enjoyed the time I spent designing and creating a special Grill/Smoker table for my friends Liam and Elaine.  After finishing the project this morning, I started thinking about how much I love wood working, and how it makes me feel special when I create beautiful things with my hands.  I can't believe that I let carpentry fade away from my life.

I can assure you, I will not let wood working leave me again.  I derive too much pleasure out of it to let that happen again.

There are obviously many other things in my life that I would love to rekindle, but I have to start small.  So, without further adieu, I present my first passion project in a long time.

 

 

 There you have it.  It's not too fancy, but it turned out beautiful.  Liam and Elaine loved it.  All cedar.  200+ screws, and lots of love.


William

"Air.....I Need Air"

My fastest 5K so far by chocdante1 at Garmin Connect - Details

Today I ran my first 5K without stopping or walking.  The above link with take you to my Garmin web site to show you the route.  I set my Personal Record by finishing in under 32 minutes.  While that may not seem very fast to some, for someone who was 273 pounds 5 months ago, and couldn't run a 1/2 mile without an oxygen tank, I'm very happy with the results.

I believe with a little hard work, and shedding a little more weight, I can get that time to under 30 minutes.  If that happens, I will be ecstatic! 

William

"mom" It's your day.................

As you might guess, today is very difficult for me.  This will be the last mother's day that I get to spend with Lori.  Tears are streaming down my face just thinking about it. 

It seems like only yesterday that I was helping Lori bring Aidan into this world.  "Breathe Lori" "Breathe"..........."I AM BREATHING!!!!!!!!!"...............Oh the memories are still fresh. 

Man I was so scared....so clueless, but you know what?  I could not have asked for a better mother and teacher to help me learn about children, and to show me what being a parent is all about. 

10 1/2 years since Aidan was born, and 5 1/2 years for Christopher.  Hard to believe.  God I wish time would slow down. 

It's funny, but after Aidan was born I very rarely, if ever, called Lori by her given name.  Since his birth in 2002, I have always called her "mom".  That is just who she is.  It makes me really sad to know that I won't be able to call her by that pet name anymore.  She will have to be Lori once again, but I have to tell you, deep down inside, she will always, always be "mom" to me.

I know things will be changing drastically here in the next few weeks, and that's a shame.  One thing that will never change is Lori being the mother of my children.  I'm always going to be grateful for that.  It was more than I deserved. 

Lori, I hope your day is filled with happiness, and the children's love touches your heart.  You are a good mom, and you should be proud of the job you've done.

William

PS.  We made a couple of angels didn't we?

How beautiful

A Season To Remember - Christopher's First

The kids and I survived the week by ourselves, but I can tell you, they were sure happy to see mom when she got home Thursday night.  To be honest, I was happy to see her too. I probably shouldn't admit to that, but unfortunately for me, it's true. :-(

The weekend finally got here, and Saturday morning started bright and early.  Aidan had a 9:00am baseball game, so we had to leave the house at 8:00am.  Aidan's team was playing the Titans, and it was a battle for second place.  I would like to say that The Express were victorious, but I cannot.  The team played very poorly, and committed way, way too many errors.  Walks and errors will kill you every time.  Aidan got the pitch the last 4 outs of the game, but his control was a bit off on Saturday.  He walked 5 and struck out 4 and gave up one bloop single just over the first baseman's mitt.  Everyone was really disappointed in the loss.  Here is a picture of Aidan pitching.

If you notice, everything looks pretty good about his follow through except one thing.  Notice his glove?  Yep, he forgot to tuck it into his shoulder.  I have been trying to get him to be consistent, but that stubborn monkey keeps forgetting.  Grrrrrr.........

After Aidan's game, we all came home and had some lunch.  Aidan and I then went to one of his friend's (Spencer) game to watch him play.  Spencer plays on a Majors level team.  That is the highest rating there is.  It is very different watching these kids play ball.  All they do is eat, drink and sleep baseball.  I'm talking practice 4 days a week, and tournaments all day both Saturday and Sunday every week and weekend.  Geesh.....I love baseball, but that's asking a lot for both a 10 year old boy and their parents.  Anyway, the game was fun, but we had to leave early in order to get to Christopher's soccer game by 3:00pm.

We got to the soccer fields about 2:45pm and waited for Lori and Christopher to get there.  Once there, Christopher warmed up with his team, while we enjoyed the beautiful, but windy afternoon.

The team played really well, and won the game quite easily.  Christopher played well, but did get a hard shot to the belly that almost sidelined him.  I say almost, because once he realized that this was his last game of the season, he did not want to come out, so he played through the pain.  I was very proud of him.  Here he is in action.

 Once the game was over, the team was ready to go to Gatti Town to celebrate the season.  We all showed up about 20 minutes after the game, and feasted on pizza!  Christopher was being his normal self.

 

Not really.  Christopher was actually being a little goofball, and Aidan was in the background devising an escape plan to get away from the gaggle of 8 other 5 year old kids being equally goofy.  

All the kids finally settled down (somewhat) once they realized they were about to get their trophies.  Yep, Christopher's very first team trophy!  He was excited.

The team posed (as well as 8 (5) year old kids can) for a team picture, and Christopher was on cloud nine!

Only one thing could get this group to sit back down after trophy excitement......and that was......cookie excitement!

Yummy!!!

We finally headed home about 6:00pm, but not before Christopher climbed aboard the pirate ship one last time in the fun and games section of the restaurant.  

What a cutie.

We stayed at home the rest of the evening, and all of us gathered around the TV and watched a Shawn the Sheep marathon.  It's a fun creative show, and we all got lots of laughs.  

Thanks boys for making the weekends so special.  You keep me young.

William

P.S.  Welcome back Lori.  As always, you were very missed.

 

Tough Week

This is not the first time that I have taken care of the kids while Lori is away on a business trip.  It has happened many times in the past, and I never gave it much thought.  It was just something that needed to be done, and I did it.  I never liked her being away for 4 or 5 days, but I knew that it was necessary.  This trip however, has a very different feeling for me.  It now feels like a warm up for my upcoming life.  I must say, that thought or interpretation leaves a very horrible and wanting taste in my mouth. 

There is just a hollowness to the surroundings.  It's like trying to finish a puzzle, but having a piece missing.  I of course do not dare mention this emptiness to the kids, and they are no more worse for wear.  They just see it as another trip, and mom will be home soon.  Me, well, I can't help but morn.

Oh well, if this is my sentence, then I will make the most of it, and continue to be the best dad that I can for the two angels that count on their daddy every day for strength and love.  Hopefully that will be enough for us all.

A Wounded Deer -- leaps highest by Emily Dickinson

A Wounded Deer -- leaps highest --
I've heard the Hunter tell --
'Tis but the Ecstasy of death --
And then the Brake is still!

The Smitten Rock that gushes!
The trampled Steel that springs!
A Cheek is always redder
Just where the Hectic stings!

Mirth is the Mail of Anguish
In which it Cautious Arm,
Lest anybody spy the blood
And "you're hurt" exclaim! 

 William

Minor League Team.....Major League Fun!

Last night was the Frisco Baseball Association's team night at the Frisco RoughRiders minor league game. We have been looking forward to this for a couple of months. You get a ticket, a coupon for a hat, and all the brats, hot dogs, nachos, and sodas you can eat and drink for $15 dollars. What a deal. We got to the park about 6:30pm yesterday evening, and immediately got our 4 free hats. Pretty stinking nice hats too!

 

 After we got our hats, we hit the food line. Since it was so early, we walked right up to the front, and got all we wanted without any wait. Mmmmm....brats.....yummy. We took our seats a few minutes later, and waited for the game to begin. Aidan, was just about to tear into his first dog, when I snapped this pick of him with his teammates.


 

 I love baseball. If you have been reading this blog very long, you already knew that. For me, being at the ballpark with your family or with your boys is just about as good as it gets. The sound of the crowd, the smells, the ice cold beer, the sound of the ball as it cracks off the bat, and the fascination from the kids. It's just really fun, and it's easy to just lose yourself.




To have Christopher sitting right next to me wearing a baseball glove, telling me that he is going to protect me in case of a foul ball is irreplaceable. I just never forget incredible moments like that. They are worth more to me than anything else in this world. It reminds me of being an "Astro Buddy" when I was his age, and going to baseball games with my dad. I know he was up in heaven last night, smiling ear to ear. Me too dad...me too...

William

Field Of Dreams

You might have to bear with me for awhile.  I have always considered my family my muse, so if my writing seems somehow different and less than you are used to or expect, please forgive me.  It is going to take me a while to ween myself from the thoughts of "Happily Ever After", and focus on the boys and living day by day.  I will do my best.

Yesterday was sports day for Thornton Boys.  Yep, three glorious games.  Normally, we only have two, but this weekend they decided to add a second baseball game, and I have to be honest, it couldn't have come at a better time.  Nothing can take your mind off your troubles faster than watching your children laugh, focus, and compete in sports. 

The morning started with Aidan's 9:00am baseball game.  We were playing the Pirates, and they were tied with us at the time for third place in the league.  It was rather chilly in the morning, and I don't consider 49 degrees "baseball weather".   The team didn't seem to mind the cold, and their bats got hot early. 

In Aidan's first at bat, he hit an absolute screaming line drive to mid left field.  Lucky for the pirates, the left fielder didn't have to move a step in order to field the ball.  It was hit so hard, if it would have been two feet to the left or right of their fielder, it would have been past them and to the fence in a flash.  Aidan was held to a single.  In his next at bat, he hit a blooper to the short stop that he miss handled, and Aidan got on with the error.  The game was never really close, and we won 9-1.

After the game, we went home and got some rest before Christopher's 2:00pm soccer game.  I stopped by Kroger on the way home to purchase some ground Chicken to make "Chicken Burgers" for lunch.  I fired up the charcoal, and 40 minutes later we were stuffing our faces with tasty burgers. 

It was an absolutely beautiful day yesterday.  A little windy, but sunny and about 70 degrees.  Christopher's game started on time, and he was supposed to play the second and forth quarters.  Just as he was beginning his shift, he and another child collided, and Christopher had his hand stepped on with another player's cleat.  Needless to say, he was in a whole bunch of pain, and had to be taken out of the game.  By the time the third quarter rolled around, he was ready to play again.  He played well, and his defense prevented a couple of opposing goals.  All in all, his team rallied in the forth quarter to pull out the win by 1 goal.  I don't know who was more excited....the kids or the parents.  Here is a picture of my little soccer player from the game yesterday.

The final game of the day started at 6:00pm last night.  Aidan's team, The Express, were taking on the Dodgers.  Aidan was the starting pitcher for the game, and he was on fire.  We were the visiting team, and quickly scored 5 runs in the first.  The final three came from Aidan, as he hit a monster shot to deep center that made it's way to the fence on a few hops.  Aidan scooted around the bases, and had his third "in the park" home run of the season.  Aidan then went to the mound in the bottom of the first, and walked one and struck out three to end the inning.  In the top of the second, our team scored another 5 runs, and gave Aidan a 10-0 score to work with.  Again, he struck out the side in the bottom of the second.  As a matter of fact, every out recorded for our team was made by Aidan.  Yep, he pitched all three innings and had three strike outs per inning.  His final stats:  3 innings pitched, 9 strike outs, three walks, and most importantly........A NO-HITTER!  His team won 14-0 and I could not have been any more proud of the job he did.  How did he look to opposing players you ask?  Well...

Intimidating of course!

Three wins, no losses, lots of excitement and fun.  Thanks for taking my mind off things for a while.  I love these boys!

William

Sadly, A Different Direction

Well, I lied. Hope did not return, but I have.

With this blog, I have been sharing the ups and downs of this family for a few years now. The vast majority have almost always been uplifting antidotes about our family, and I really enjoyed writing them.  The reason that they were almost always uplifting was a direct reflection of our lives, and the wonderful marriage Lori and I shared.

As you might have guessed from my last post, some fairy tale marriages do not last forever. Sometimes you hit a bump in the road, and you do your best to try and fix things and keep moving forward. Sometimes that bump ends up being a wall.  Well, let me tell you, that wall came on with a vengeance.

Lori decided that she no longer wants to be married to me, and has officially filed for divorce.  I tried with all my heart and effort to make things right with her, but my efforts failed.  I hoped with every fiber of my being that we could get things fixed, and start traveling back down that road to happiness, but she obviously had other plans.   I am still deeply in love with Lori, who I will always consider my soul-mate. So as you might have guessed, I am extremely devastated.  Married for 15years and together for 17years.....now DONE.  Painful and Surreal.

If you would have asked me at the beginning of last year if there was even a remote possibility of writing this type of blog, I would have straight up laughed at you. I felt like the relationship that Lori and I had was impervious to any failings.  We just loved and cared for each other too much to let that happen.  I have, through the years, blogged exactly how I felt and feel about Lori.   I just thought that kind of stuff happened to other people. I mean hell, we'd made it 16 years without the slightest problems, why would it change? What could possible go wrong?  I still don't understand the "why", but I can tell you without a doubt, it's the worst feeling in the world to realized you are no longer loved.

I don't know what the future holds.  I'm scared, and very apprehensive about trusting anyone anymore.  That I know.  Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.  What this has made me realize is;  I am a beautiful, naive, big-hearted 47 year old man, that still has a whole lot to learn about people. 

I know that I have two wonderful, handsome, healthy, outstanding boys that are here, and they need me.  I need them just a much. My devotion to them will never waiver.  They are my life, and as always, the reason for my existence.

Because of my love for them, and my need for attention, I've decided to keep this blog alive to share the wonderful experiences that I have with Aidan and Christopher.  I need the release, and I want to have all of our adventures chronicled so we can enjoy the emotions of the times for the rest of our lives.  

I am looking forward to being able to start writing uplifting stories again and posting pictures about the wonderful things that are happening with me and the boys.  It really won't be the same without the inclusion of Lori in our adventures, but it is what it is, and we'll make the best of it.

She will be truly missed.  

William

Into The Sunset

This is more than likely my final blog.  If hope ever returns, so will I.

Thank you for letting me share my thoughts and feelings with you all these years.  It's been a wonderful release for me, and I hope I was able to convey to you, just how joyous my life and my family have been to me.  When you are constantly in a state of bliss, the words just write themselves. 

I wish I would have starting writing this blog 15 years earlier.  I would give anything to have all of those wonderful times chronicled.  I know those memories will be all but forgotten, and it would have been nice to be able to go back and feel the emotion of the moment during those times.

Thank you again for all of the great, supportive comments you have made through the years.  They always made me feel special and motivated.  They will be missed.

Time to ride off.  Take care, and God Bless

William

A Farewell To Farms

On Wednesday we woke up early and ate a good breakfast.  We fed the animals, and then got cleaned up.  Dianne, Lori, the boys and I  decided to go to Jonesborough, Tennessee.  Jonesborough is a small town of approx 6000 people that was established in 1779.  It's Tennessee's oldest town.  It has a touristy feel, because of it's historical significance, and is lined with quaint shops of all kinds.  We got there in the early afternoon, and had lunch at a small restaurant called The Creekside Restaurant.  It was located on the courthouse square, and the food was southern home cooking.  Yummy!

After we ate lunch we decided to walk down main street to visit some of the shops.  Umm....next time we do this, please let it be much, much warmer.  The wind was whipping around 25 mph, and the temperature was around 40, so it was COLD!

The first place we ducked into was This wonderful Candy Store The owner was a super nice older man, and once he saw my Texas A&M shirt, we hit it off.  While the rest of the crew was frolicking in sugary heaven, he and I talked about the recent football season, and the current basketball season.  He of course was a huge Tennessee Volunteer fan, but he was quite welcoming to the new kids to the conference. We talked for a long time, and then we all purchased some great treats.

From there is was art shops, and import shops and general stores........you get the idea.  If it wasn't so cold, we would have visited many more, plus some really great looking museums.  As it stood, everyone was freezing their collective rear ends off, so we made a break for the car.  We all piled in, started to thaw out, and headed back to the farm.

We played around the farm the rest of the afternoon, and for dinner, I cooked some delicious Hawaiian and Caribbean Jerk chicken with grilled pineapple.   Mmmmm....Mmmmm....it was good!

After some challenging games of dominoes, we hit the hay around 11:00pm, all very tired. 

Thursday came too soon.  It was the day before we were leaving, and also Lori and my 15th anniversary.  I want to stop for a minute and say a little bit about that.

Lori and I have had a very memorable 15 years.  Most of it has been wonderful and joyous, and just like other couples,  some bumps along the way.  I would not trade a minute of my time with my beautiful wife, and all of the wonderful things that have come to fruition during our marriage have been a dream come true.

The 15th anniversary is the crystal anniversary.  With that theme, I sat out to find the perfect gift.  After much searching, I found a artist in Malaras, Sweden that produced just what I was looking for.   His name is Mats Jonasson, and I purchased his Tree of Life sculpture, and had it imported.  It came to the house back in December, and I had been hiding it with anticipation ever since.  I snuck it in the luggage, bubble wrapped of course, before we left.  I surprised Lori with it on Thursday, and she loved it.

She surprised me with a new Garmin running watch when we got home.  I love it, and now track all my runs.

Thank you Lori for saying "I DO" 15 years ago.  With apologies to Robert Frost.....It has made all the difference.

Anyway,  back to the farm.

Steve and I got up early on Thursday and went out on a quest for hay.  He had made previous arrangements to purchase 50 large rolls of hay from a dentist friend he knew, and we took the goose neck trailer to Greeneville, Tennessee to pick up the first 14 rolls.  Everything was going fairly smoothly until we reached the farm to pick up the hay, and discovered that the keys to the tractor that were supposed to be left for us, were no where to be found.  Grrrrr....... We ended up dropping off the trailer, and heading back to the farm.  A wasted trip.

After we got home, we piled into Dianne's SUV, and headed over to "Rocky Top Mountain" to observe the scenery.  It was stunning.

Creek waterfall

Small spring fed waterfall, complete with icicles.

View of the French Broad River.

Spring water seeping from the side of the mountain.

Beautiful Dead Tree on the side of the mountain standing guard.

It was simply beautiful up on the mountain, and I am really happy Dianne took us to see it.

After we got back to the farm, the boys and I went to the playground, while Dianne and Lori went to check on the horses.  It did not take the boys long to come up with a new game to play.  SWING SET KICK WAR!

Check out that playground view.......best ever????

We made our way over to the horse barn just in time for feeding.

As the feeding was going on, the boys decided it was a good time for......A LIGHTSABER WAR!!! (boys are so fun!)

We avoided any lightsaber limb adjustments, and made our way back to the house.  Steve cooked us some wonderful steaks for our anniversary dinner, and we shared a good bottle of wine with Steve and Dianne.  Our meal was topped off with this stunning sunset.

Wow.  Perfect.

Friday we got up and had to start getting ready for the airport.  We were all very sad to go.  We all had a great time.  Such fantastic memories.

William

PS.  Steve and Dianne are wonderful hosts, and I am really grateful for everything they do, and have done for us.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.