I'm Still Breathing

Half of the year gone by, and I'm just typing my first entry in 2017.  Wow, what a strange time in my life.

To be honest, the sad truth of the matter is writing hasn't even crossed my mind.  I used to be filled with so many things that I wanted to share.  So many stories that I thought were worth telling.

I've found picking up the pieces of ones life at this age is much more difficult than expected.  Emotionally, I'm still stuck.

Work has gotten better.  I'm not putting in the 60+ hour weeks anymore.  I knew if I kept that up, I would not be well.  I have cut down my hours, and come to the realization that I can only control so much. It has certainly helped with my blood pressure and stress.

My sons are my life.  I live for the time I get to spend with them.  I still deeply regret that I only get to be involved in their daily life half the time.  Kids need both parents 100% of their childhoods.  Don't get me wrong.  Both boys are great kids.  I would never say otherwise.  They are just different kids than they would have been had both parents been around 100% of the time.  I get sad knowing that I'll never meet those boys.

I have not had the desire to start dating again.  I think the pain that I still feel from the divorce blocks any thought of ever being back in "the game".  I just don't think I'll ever take that chance again.   I'll never say never, but I consider myself lucky knowing I met the love of my life, spent 17 great years together, and had two fantastic boys.  Sure I wish it could have lasted a lifetime, but I wouldn't those memories for anything.  Most people never get to experience such happiness.  Was it fair it ended the way that it did?  No, but such is life.

I'm looking forward to Father's Day weekend.  I get the boys, and we'll do something fun.  I know on Sunday we'll be going to a baseball game together, and I always look forward to that.  I love baseball, and I love my boys.  Put them both together, and it just doesn't get any better.

Hopefully I find a little more time to share some stories about my adventures with the boys.  There hasn't been as many adventures or stories as their should have been, but I'm starting to climb out of the financial whole I have been in since the divorce, and I can see some trips in our future.  I of course will blog about it when it happens.

Oh, best of all...... I'm still drawing breath.

Thanks for reading.

William